i woke up this morning and could feeeeeeeeeeeeel within i was being “jerked” around in some time-loop experience. at least an attempt to “rinse and repeat”. it’s an energy. i have no proof other than that inner feel.
and i thought “some say that’s nonsense. no truth to it.” talk myself out of it. and yet – i couldn’t so i stopped.
and i thought – why is it nonsense? isn’t it possible ALL of us are experiencing this transition in our own unique way? and those unique ways align w/others forming some sort of a collective experience.
of course.
that also explained, for me, this question of how could people look at this reality here and think it is thriving? or want to restore/repair it? none of that aligns with me. i have been searching for something that feeeeeeeeeeeeeels beautiful to me within as i look at nature, etc. and it is a challenge now. and when i am able to find something of beauty it doesn’t move me the way it once would.
so again – my experience. my inner feels. and my perception. unique. we are One but not the same.
checking out some of the social media i see others are feeling as i am. that feeling of being looped again. and the “oh dear all that is let this be the LAST TIME THIS HAPPENS I CANNOT TAKE THIS ANY MORE!” here’s the image i just had: i am seeing a child who is attempting to move forward and the parent grabs their arm and pulls them back. for us though this isn’t about keeping us safe – this is about control. matrix not wanting to let us go. to which i say – too effing bad ‘tards. we’re outta here!
and that voice of condemnation now kicks in and says “be nice be kind don’t talk that way”. eh, whatever. sometimes that voice is just another program.
i had another image around that time – a strong, strong feeling within accompanying it. i’m on a board game and i have literally walked on every piece and now i am at the end square and can go no more. why? no more square’s to walk on.
as i was having these inner moments of energetic discomfort within i finally let loose – raised my voice and cried to release. that helped some – and yet i found while out and about most everyone’s energy annoyed me. didn’t matter what i “told” myself. i could calm the inner fire of annoyance but i was not able to toss it out. so – i let myself just Be.
and in doing THAT – i went on with my experience without wanting to smack someone. lol
i pause as i am reminded of a meme i saw last night of an old woman – sitting in chair, doing some sewing project, looking at the camera with a perfect look of grumpiness. the slogan said something like: I don’t like people sometimes. They make me want to say bad words.
lol
we all annoy one another at times don’t we? part of the experience of awakening and knowing – at least if this is YOUR experience – knowing this is a game. a trap. a controlled experience. while also knowing you are getting O U T.
with the details sketchy at best.
so we breathe. and do the best we can.
and eat chocolate cake.
love,
victoria
******
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
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