Today’s Reflection ~ The urge to PURGE

 

I purged a lot of old stuff – literal physical stuff.  And I am not done.

I went through old pictures, letters, cards, momentos and tossed ’em – keeping only a small fraction.  I feel a mixture of sensations ~ relief/lightness and sadness/regret.  I was always the “friends for life” type – but it turns out my friends from those golden years weren’t.  I reflect on that – and I see how that is pretty impossible.  Is it because of this particular reality or is it because that ain’t how natural life works?

I don’t know.  What hurts the most is seeing when these relationships ended – when I stepped off my current path at the time into someplace new.  I wanted to carry those people along with me – but you know  how it goes – you can only do YOU and no one else.  You accept, allow others to be and trust in Love and let the rest GO.

The whole friends for a season/friends for a life time – it’s just f’ing painful to this overly ridiculously sensitive clingy heart of mine.  I never did evolve much past the age of 5 in terms of – what?  I don’t know.  Controlling things?

UGH.

The whole control issue…..that was likely the driving subconscious decision of mine today (which I have been feeling off and on for a good year now) to finally PURGE and let go of the past by removing physical things that only serve to bring me back into a totally different timeline – keeping me stuck in a way.  I reflected on this in the garage – turned on the radio for some comfort and THE CHILDHOOD SONG of mine in this experience ~ Styx ~ was singing to me:  “I’ve got to be free.  Free to face the life that’s ahead of me.”

You see, that’s the thing – I have no CLUE what that life looks like now.  NONE.  I have had visions and done the intending up down sideways backwards and in between – traveled this long dusty hot cold lonely road of personal awakening/questioning/searching – and I’m still here in this space – waiting – for something.  Myself?  An opportunity?  Is this waiting about an inside or outside event?  Both?  I don’t know.

For now, my experience remains a giant I DON’T KNOW/LET IT GO/TRUST.

Anyone else having the urge to purge?

As for the rest of the experience here – dreams sucked last night.  They tried to get me into some bad situation in argentina where I had shackles on one of my legs.  I finally busted out and had some words for the guy who put me in them (after I had trusted him).  There is still so much talk about voting – getting people to vote.  I stick by my analogy I shared here yesterday and hold the position that I AM NOT THE PROBLEM.  I AM THE SOLUTION.

Anything that is not part of the solution is total bullsheot to me now.  And that includes all of this talk about things getting worse…..more violence…..more chaos………..more death.  Those focused on that?  STOP!  Those spreading those words?  STFU.  CHILL.  BREATHEEEEEEEEE.  Remember the words of Bill Wood who said the closer we got to the end – when we reached the point where we just had those 2 running timelines – the more POWERFUL we become and the EASIER it becomes for us to actually legitimately CREATE the experience we WANT.  So let’s stop focusing on “their” timeline and focus on OURS, ok?

FREEDOM.  TOTAL TRUTH.  LOVE.  ABUNDANCE.

BE.  THE.  SOLUTION.

Love,

 

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