Remembering. Awakening moment. Sounds so much better, to me, than lesson. I think of the term “lesson” and it leaves me with the inner feeling of judgment, being punished, something that is “good for me” ~ all terms void of Love.
Last night I was involved in a conversation. The individual asked me a question, a useful and challenging question, to get further clarification on the topic we were discussing. It was late and I really wasn’t sure I had the energy to engage back with a fully conscious response. To be honest, I didn’t want to respond at that moment. But I felt I “should” and pondered a response, feeling that inner “should” program.
While this was going on, I received a private message from another person, telling me how grateful they were for my messages, for how I share my truth, for how honest I am. I paused for a moment and thought “that is so kind of you” and wrote back a quick thank you.
I did not allow myself to feel any of that beautiful message. Not for any REAL moment where I could let it sink in and fully FEEL the experience.
Even though at the time I knew I was bypassing the emotional experience, the full awareness of this did not come online until I was in bed later on.
I really saw ~ I deeply felt ~ where I am still more hooked into old programming, how some of that programming has had me putting more focus on things I deem “obligation” and “responsibility” and even downright negative interactions (whereby I feel oooh I have to respond back to THAT!!) than I do on a person sending me love.
Did I become so used to the disappointment and pain and obligations/rules in life that when Love is presented to me, given to me, I see it without really “SEEING” it?
Yes I have. Yes I did.
I have thought that over the years. I have even had the knowing. And felt it. But not all at once. My experience was different this time.
Last night it lined up for me.
Thank Goddess!
I promised myself when I woke up this morning, I would re-read this beautiful message that was sent to me and let myself “feeeeeeeeeel” the words.
As promised, when I woke up I pulled up the message and noticed she had sent more Loving words. A beautiful bonus! I let myself feel the impact of the words. I read them a few times.
Yes Victoria, I CAN have a positive impact on others. :::pause::: Feel that…
I matter. :::pause::: Feel that…
I make a difference. :::pause::: Feel that too…
And I deserve to see the results, read the results and feel the results.
Love In Action.
Yes, I am quite a tough nut to crack sometimes, but I am grateful I keep chipping away at my shell to get to the good stuff inside. Because you know, there really is some good stuff inside of me. ME.
And I have many people to thank for that, including all of you who come here, read, share your own words/stories. Support me in whatever way you feel called to.
Thank you ~ every one of you ~ for helping me become a different, more loving version of Me. [wp-svg-icons icon=”heart-2″ wrap=”i”] [wp-svg-icons icon=”heart-2″ wrap=”i”] [wp-svg-icons icon=”heart-2″ wrap=”i”]
Victoria
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