Tonight’s Reflection ~ 10/30/2020

 

I feel I am energetically holding my breath until this holiday and the election are over.  And then there’s that full (blue) moon thing too.

I remember the first October 31st when I went out candy collecting with neighbor kids.  I was about 4.  My mom had made me a bunny costume.  I loved that costume – that is until the evening arrived when it was time for me to put it on in order to go collect candy.  I think I lost the concept of those two going together.  I refused to put it on.  I pitched such a fit my mom finally just let it go and allowed me to go out with the neighbor kids to get that candy – totally content in my winter coat over my regular play clothes.

Tonight I reflected on that and felt old emotion arise – which surprised me. While not consciously being awake as to the history of this holiday and what it is actually focused on, somewhere deep within that Wisdom of Me knew.  I also knew being forced to put on dress up clothes just to get candy was something I was not going to do.

That same will kept me alive back then.  It was that will that pitched major meltdowns when I would visit the doctor.  I knew what those shots (vaccines) were doing to my body and I was not going to go along quietly.  I also knew what that barbiturate I was put on was doing to my mind (I began having seizures – today it’s obvious they were vaccine related and so the nazi doctors prescribed anti-seizure medication.  I was just 2 at the time). One dose went into me and after that, not even the physical strength of both of my parents holding me down worked.  I was fighting for my life to keep that pill from entering my body.  The doctor was surprised two adults could not get that much-needed medication into me and was rather condescending talking with my mother at the time.  Thank god my parents finally just gave up and took a chance I would have no more seizures.  I didn’t.

Tonight I also felt the heavy of the horror shows here.  I recall trying to suck it up and be brave – be cool – in celebrating October 31st at times when I was young. My parents took my brother and I to a haunted house one year.  I was around 9 or 10.  I was so scared, at one point I hit some guy who jumped out at me then whacked the hand of some unknown person as it grabbed at me from behind a blanket.

Seriously – who the bloody hell comes up with ideas like this as entertainment?  Fear = Fun.  Yeah, not in my heart and certainly not in my REAL experiences before all of their stuff got inserted into us and here.

As I got older, I became more brave (controlled/wanting to fit in) and began to not only enjoy October 31st, but to label it my favorite holiday.  I figured life would be easier if I just went along and celebrated these days the way everyone else around me did.  My dad used to like to scare – for fun as the saying goes.  One year he sat in back of our gliding chair on the front porch – making it move slowly while he groaned.  I handed out the candy and would let him know when someone was coming so he could get into position.  I remember feeling a mix of emotions:  fun at seeing kids (even a couple of parents) frightened but also guilt.  I knew it wasn’t really ok to scare kids like that.  Looking back now – was that fun authentic?  Or was it the matrix version of fun?

Yeah, I know the answer to that.

This year – we won’t be handing out candy.  A first. It isn’t due to the covid (my god people are actually sterilizing the wrappers here) – it’s because I don’t have the emotional ability to support it now.  I am taking my girl on a couple of benign adventures – only because I want her to have a good time. This year has sucked enough for her.  I am thankful she has never wanted one of those blood and gore type costumes.  I don’t think I could handle that.  I see enough of that around our neighborhood.  It is unreal to me the level of pure evil I see in my own neighborhood.  The decorations show images of killings, dead babies, zombies hanging from trees in a noose, horror scenes with caution tape – all very life-like.  I have been startled more than once on my walks this past month.  I now know which homes not to walk in front of – or if I do – I know not to look.  These aren’t college kids doing these decorations:  these are middle aged and older adults. Programmed democrat speak:  Trump sign on your front lawn I melt down. But hacked up body on the front lawn – that’s ok.  Add in the plethora of biden/harris signs and you have a true Satan’s paradise here.

Then there’s the full moon and aye aye aye

I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO done with all of their crap.  Every.  Bit.  Of.  It.

As my friend Sister Jules said:  We better be partying it up next week (in one of those good, pure ways because we will have REAL REASON to engage in an authentic celebration).

And so it is.

Love,

Victoria

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