Tonight’s reflection ~ feeling out of sorts

 

see her?  see that woman above?  that is me lately.  most indeed today.  i feel frazzled and out-of-sorts.  the magnetics combined with the overall energies of humanity and the personal and collective purging and the creating of new and the resistance to all of that feel like they are at a boiling point now.  am i being compressed?  pulled apart?  tossed around like a towel in a dryer?

i had an interesting wave of “something” hit me in the water portal tonight. off to my left i felt i was moving – slowly – and i had to see if my body was actually swaying (by opening my eyes and focusing).  it wasn’t.  it was an energy experience only.  there is something about the left side of my auric field.  this is where i have felt energies pulling on me as well as hearing those brief messages to guide me or pass along a new thought/insight, including one that literally saved my life when i was 19.

or this could simply be a pull by Big Me to plant myself in bed (which given the location of the shower portal is literally off to my left)…..ha!

i noticed something interesting yesterday.  i have been facing this struggle within – being i want NEW so deeply (i resist using the term desperately and yet that is part of the experience at times)…. and most all that is 3D is just so stale and out-of-alignment to me that try as i might to think and be and do otherwise, i simply cannot shake that “stale” feeling – that resistance that tells me to let that all go because NEW is coming (WHEN?!)….and  on the other hand given i want NEW so deeply i began taking some steps to DO NEW – here – now.  one of them is how i approach schooling my child.  i implemented a new approach this past week and it worked pretty good – although energetically within i knew this entire “follow the system educational standards” was NOT in alignment with what i wish to expose her to.  so as i said….worked pretty well….until today when my girl suddenly reverted and resisted and i decided to just “call it a day”.

the challenge is real.  the struggle.  and i simply do not know what to do DIFFERENT about creating this new life i desire.  brutally honest when i explore and seek, i feel like i am force-fitting a life when i engage in almost ANY THING considered/labeled 3D.

that’s it – right there – my absolute truth.

if it’s part of the “this is what the system offers” – it feels fake and forced.  and yet we know the drill – this is where we are.  this is what is offered.  i have moments where i wish i had remained “unawake” until the moment of the event/transition.  having the visions and the knowing’s is just fucking brutal at times when you KNOW there is different and yet, here we are…..

here we are…many of us energetically exhausted….discombobulated…..not only being bombarded by plasma and protons (and i know some are far more sensitive than are some others – i am one of those who is extremely sensitive to energies – PERIOD)…… not to mention outside attacks……we are also encountering the always energized spiritual ones who cheer us on to “keep on doing the work” or the messages that we’re on our own – we chose to came here – ain’t no one helping us (what happened to the “you’re not alone” message?)……well, all of “that” puts us – certainly me – into the state of mind as portrayed in the image above.

oooh and i swear if i hear one more time “i stayed in bed all day and downloaded codes” i am going to find out where this person lives, drop off my child for a few days and say “i know you will be more than willing to help out this Being who would LOVE to ‘stay-in-bed-all-day-and-download-codes'”….although i would likely actually sleep and thus accomplish nothing spiritually-advancing….

i know i am doing the best i can….although i can probably cut back on the ice cream i’ve been placing into my mouth lately…i can – but i likely won’t….as i said almost 2 years ago – i am more like the character in “michael” – one who has a deep love (most of the time) for the heart of humanity and for the well being of every one of us (most of the time) and yet who is also not very politically or spiritually correct and tends to have a love of sweet things. and a natural affinity to drop an occasional “F” boom….

for in truth, we DO come in all types, sizes, shapes and colors.  and it’s about time we (me too) honor this.

….whether we are in that quiet/accepting state….or the discombobulated one.

love,

victoria

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