Trying To Figure Out – Feeeeeel – Where I Fit In

 

I guess the days of the lonely weary starseed words aren’t sticking with others as they once did.  Funny how you can write something that resonates with hundreds – thousands of others – then you find yourself 8 years later wondering where you belong.

So many people have dropped away from my life with just a few new friends appearing.  The numbers are far more on the side of “sayonara”.  Lots of fakes, many want you to keep in your corner behaving.

I’m trying to figure out where I belong now.  Where.  With whom.  And doing what.  I honestly haven’t a C L U E – and that is so uncomfortable for me.  I pray and let it go and allow answers to flow – only with this one in particular – I am getting nothing but empty space.

I toss out ideas – nothing is sticking – which leaves me feeling truly lost – at a level I’ve never felt before.  It’s as though there’s nothing left for me TO do.  And I absolutely do not accept that for I KNOW I am here to bring in NEW – and that NEW – what is it?  Certainly, none of this ongoing bread and circus b.s. we keep seeing.  New ways of doing everything.  Not just a recycled cleaned up version for that process we see happening still leaves me on the sidelines wondering where the fuch I am and what the fuch I’m doing here.

It’s like MAGA doesn’t resonate – the energy is too rough for me – too individualistic – too capitalistic – far too competitive.  I visited that terrain – just doesn’t align.

The whole 5D doesn’t jive – too much pressure on being this perfect being of purity in order to earn the right to ascend (i.e. get out of hell/matrix).  Gotta go through hell before you “get out”.  Gotta purge all of this crap for humanity.  Pardon me while I kumbaya myself into an enlightened state in a dimensional space surrounded by demons disguised as pretty angels giving me those rules of “you have to” and “you need to” in order TO.  FUCH THAT!  I visited that terrain too – I tried to get myself to align with that narrative – but alas, it didn’t align because I knew it was more matrix b.s. (and I learned not to visit those invisible spaces – I prefer to SEE my path and know who is on it instead of trusting in some entity I don’t know and can’t even see except for in my mind).

Then there is the term given to those like me – the Anon – which seems to align the best – those who don’t align with this movie, those who don’t align with MAGA (globally not just stateside), those who don’t feel like they fit in anywhere, those with the sensitive heart and Soul, those for whom pay to live is an absolute punishment to our Souls, those for whom hold rules and laws in disdain because we are not the type to do stupid ass things like others who apparently NEED a rule or law telling them “uh ok you don’t do that”.  Go over here little human.

That is not who I am.

We are often not only invisible online but even when we are ourselves with an online face, we still feel anonymous out in the world as we wander around, trying to figure out where we fit.  Where we belong.

And at this point in all of this “whatever it is” we are actually witnessing and experiencing, we wonder and command now WHEN our experience becomes about WHO WE ARE.  When the experience OUTSIDE matches the frequency we all hold WITHIN.  At least in SOME tangible way.  For example, cost of living around me should have ceased to be a problem given all of the energy work woo woo I’ve been doing around just that issue alone for the past 14 months.

Right?

That’s a question that only an “anon” will get.

Just wish we would organize instead of sitting on the sidelines watching things play out.  I am not one to sit.  I never. have. been.  If I’m sitting, that means I feel defeated and depressed – or agitated.  Which is a feeling I am fighting these days.  Letting myself BE is all I’ve got.

Wherever it is that I come from, at least the experience that I carry most present in my body is that we help one another.  We create not just in a bubble but together.  While there are times of retreat, we create best when working together, supporting and checking in and lifting up and hand holding and carrying at times if necessary.

And certainly those experiences are more prevalent when you don’t know where the hell you belong, where most everything feels so fake, a bad movie that you want to just wake up one day and find it is over.  It is finally. OVER.

So, no happy, clever wrap up for this one.  Nothing cutsie in which to conclude it.  Just going to leave it as is – without an ending.  Much like how I feel inside now.

💖

Victoria