A new neighbor/mama is sharing this strange experience as well. What is this strangeness? Not only NO desire to cook, but dinner/meal ideas no longer appealing. And nothing new comes to mind or if it does, holds no appeal. When she told me this I was floored and excited. ME TOO, I said.
I am facing this daily now. It was random for awhile but not anymore. Looking up new recipes used to be an obsession. Now I hate it. lol
Obviously I come up with something or else people around here would starve (rolling my eyes), but damn… NOTHING food-wise seems to appeal to me. Eating is becoming a chore instead of a pleasure.
Where am I headed? To a state where I no longer eat?
To a reality where food replicator’s are provided for all instead of suppressed as they are in this one?
Whatever this “realm” I am in – this in-between stage – well it just sucks. I am ready to leap to the new. Now.
I can give much thanks however to the miracles that did occur today – in spite of my not intending them. In fact I resisted at first – but then was a little bit inundated with several in a short period I had to let them in. And now I just want to punch my punching bag and cry and scream while giving thanks. A rather paradoxical state to be in.
First miracle ~ dragonfly that kept showing up. Always a message of love from spirit.
Second miracle ~ as I was stuck in my “white men” thought train (sorry my male readers – just being honest with old thoughts that were, honestly, understandably created at the time) ~ two guys drove by and waved at me. One I had no idea who it was but it was such a sweet smile and wave…. and the other guy I know and he NEVER waves. I always receive a frown/scowl. While I received no smile, I will take a wave as an acknowledgement.
Third miracle ~ Talking with our wonderful neighbor who is family to us, I was lamenting my pain over my broken relationship with my father. I just want him to feel proud of me. To show me and tell me he loves me. To connect with me emotionally. Accept me for who I am. Show interest in what I do – especially my latest venture with this website. My neighbor said he’s probably doing the best he can. I know that, I said. But my heart still aches for more. I have never felt I am good enough in his eyes and mind and heart (wherever that is) and certain things/words he has tossed my way have made it clear what he really thinks of me. My eyes welled up with tears and my neighbor said “well you can call me Dad and I will always listen to you.” Voice cracks as I say “thank you” and give him a hug. He means it. He is not the type to say something like that unless he is sincere.
So releasing more old crap today that I wish I knew how to fully let go – purge out. All at once.
And seeing where I am blessed and loved.
Just takes the heart awhile to make the switch it all.
♥
