I recently encountered bully behavior with other women. Mother’s, no less. It was an online situation where I was coming to the defense of a picture that had been posted of a little boy in a skeleton costume. The boy was 3 or 4 and he was crying, clearly very upset. He had refused to eat the night before, so the parents decided to put the costume on him while he slept, then upon awakening, they informed him he had “starved to death” and he was upset that his body is gone. (Yeah, let that one sink in. I am still horrified.)
The idea that a parent could and would not only post a picture of their child in such fear and distress was appalling enough for me, but the idea that the parents would also use such a clearly abusive tactic in an attempt to teach their child a lesson much less show ENJOYMENT over it, is simply deplorable.
Naturally then I spoke up about this behavior.
Did I receive support?
Nope.
I got a mouthful from 20-something mother’s telling me to take my therapist advice elsewhere, that this was not abuse in any way, and that I needed to get a sense of humor for the whole thing was hysterical.
Wow.
I looked at their profiles and saw a lot of selfie-photos of these mother’s, looking at the camera with anger and attitude. With that sense of toughness that I see far too much today among females, especially the younger ones.
What happened to them, I wonder sadly. Since when did being female, being soft and kind, tender and caring become such an unattractive trait among so many of these women?
We were never meant to be tough. Strong, yes. But sadly, women young and old have developed a big ugly chip on their shoulder called rugged individualism. In a nutshell, we became just like the boys.
Why did we do it? Pressure to fit in? Thinking if we can’t beat ’em at their games of domination and aggression and control, we could become like them?
I look at my little girl and imagine her at 15. 20. 30. I want that sweetness to remain. That softness. Her tenderness. Her empathy, wisdom and understanding. I sure as heck do not want her spark to be replaced by a look that says “mess with me and you will regret it fucker”.
Let’s face it. All of us to some degree have fallen for the belief that we need that chip to survive. The system is set up to ensure competition and survival of the fittest after all. You be one of the soft, sensitive ones, you will get eaten up. Hell, I grew up in the 70’s and received that message. In my own way, my spark was slowly replaced by a loud ego voice that said “don’t mess with me.” I saw that clearly almost 2 years ago in myself when I realized I didn’t like who I had become. It was a very sobering moment.
Don’t get me wrong. I am all about making clear boundaries on what is ok and what is not ok for me. For all of us. However, wouldn’t it make for a more peaceful world if instead when someone shows concern for the well being of a child, other mother’s pause and reflect. Remember who they are. Remember the love they have for their child. Remember their heart. Their compassion. Their kindness. All of those things they carried within them when they were little girls. And then, through their goddess wisdom and reflection, say “you know, perhaps this isn’t the best image to be seeing. Maybe using fear tactics to teach our children isn’t really effective or helpful. And maybe giving attention to those who seek strange pleasure in seeing their children visibly upset is not something we should be promoting, much less laughing about.”
Come on mom’s. We need each other. We need to remember who we were before the system abused us, used us, dismissed us and turned us into aggressive tigers. We need to organize, gather, plan and make space again for the feminine spirit out in the world. We need to support one another and not attack. We need to bring back the spirit of cooperation. Patience. Nurturing. The masculine energy is clearly out of balance in how it morphed over the centuries into the competitive, controlling, dominating force it is today. We need to bring in the Goddess energy again to bring both back into balance.
Our Goddess energy.
She is needed. Very much.
